There is a saying “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” which simply put is we’re on totally different planets! It appears that is also very true for people with a weight problem and people who haven’t.
People who don’t have a weight problem struggle to understand the battle we have with saying NO and meaning it!
How many times have you been coerced into making a choice because its what someone else wanted…. for example you are out shopping with a friend and stop at the cafe for a coffee, you’ve decided not to have a cake, but she wants one and says, well I was going to have one, but if you’re not I won’t either!
The majority of us will feel awful – you are depriving her of something special. Obviously you can’t do that so you agree to have one. How do you feel after you’ve eaten it? Angry, upset, disappointed? It’s not what you planned on having – it wasn’t that nice and now you feel like you’ve blown it so what else are you going to eat now you’re ‘not on it’?
But thinking about it, it is their choice not to have a cake because you didn’t want one so why do you feel coerced into having a cake when you didn’t want one? Someone without a weight problem would think be!
Or another example, in your cupboard is a sharing bag of Doritos which you bought last week, your partner says…. shall we open them? It’s early evening and they are your favourites, but you were doing so well, so you say I’m OK thanks you have them. But then you feel pressured into having them, same scenario all over again because if you don’t they won’t.
Actually, lets go back a bit, why did you buy the sharing bag? They also come in multi-pack bags, individual servings so could have sorted it to please everyone!
Wine time!!! A standard bottle to share – you always have before, just that now you want to choose a healthier option, will they drink it alone??? Probably not, it might seem excessive, again by saying no you are setting up the coercion factor. Small bottles of wine may seem pricey, but it’s a small price to pay if it keeps everyone happy and you focused.
Often when we take the time to review choices and decisions we’ve made in the past we can then look at how to subtly shift them to keep everyone as happy as they can be.
But maybe the question should be why do we always feel the need to keep everyone else happy to our detriment?
This is a journey you chose to undertake for whatever reason, and those reasons need to stay at the forefront of our mind always.
We are not forced into this journey so don’t make it a punishment, instead embrace the behaviours and strategies that will lead to the best destination ever, a happier, healthier and lighter you!!